Slytherin Esquire
by The Unread Shelfer
Summary: The doom has befallen upon Scorpius Malfoy and Albus Potter is a right prat in capital letters to say the least. And then Rose is yet to call him more than a bread head. Though, one thing for sure, Albus Potter is going down with a book rain.


**_1._**

 ** _To Hell, My Love._**

 ** _(Prologue)_**

 _ **Scorpius Malfoy To Albus Potter  
August Fifteenth, the summer of 2020.**_

 ** _To_** ,

My very best friend slash now archenemy Al,  
At The Burrow and not with me,  
In England of all the places he could be,

Al,  
I AM BEING THREATENED.  
I am being held prisoner in my house. My father has been depriving me of the thing I love the most. I am done. Finished. I can't believe he did this.

I HAVE BEEN BANNED FROM THE LIBRARY!

Oh my friend! My dear friend! I think the doom has finally befallen upon me and I am not sure I will live to see the morning tomorrow and thus, I thought I, should inform you before I go over to heaven, to the land of books where no wise human should stop us (me) innocent children from entering the Library.

You are a right bugger Albus Severus Potter.

It's your fault that I am here locked in my house, deprived of my books. And hereby I notify everyone who will check your belongings for the evidence of my death that you and only you are the reason of my death because of the lack of books. It's like I can't breathe. It's like depriving me of oxygen.

Dad knows it. That's why he is keeping all the books locked. Slytherin to the core, my father.

Speaking of father," Hello Al, I hope you are not leading my son to another rendezvous. I wish you well. Give your father my greetings." He says. I think he is still angry that your father thought about me like that, you know, being the son of Voldemort and all that business then refused to help. But don't mind, I am not. I thoroughly understand that adults have to do some things which they don't like.

Though, k will never understand why they do that. They are adults. They have a choice not to.

Although, I have been informed that you are breathing fine except that you have been banned from Quidditch and going out and the cloak and the map and from sweet's.

But seriously! It's not as if the doom has fallen upon you! Look at me! My geekiness is being sabotaged. You might not recognize me at the king's Cross station this September because I might not be babbling about statistics or grammar. But if you see a blonde squinting his eyes at you waving a book with an expression that says you-treacherous-scum, that might be me.

And well, banished to the house, in your case, doesn't seems that bad. I mean I want Dad to banish me to the library. But he doesn't. He knows torture, my father.

And once again, NOT ONE BOOK! I might be a ghost writing to you.

And now, I have finally tortured you enough. I hope you are guilty and will somehow manage to send me a book on something, anything! (Dad checks letters for parcels, be Slytherin, I meant discreet). Who needs your sodding letter? Just transfigure a book into a letter and send me. Now, Al. Now.

And I also would like to inform you that Flitwick has sent me the Prefect batch!

Why am I a prefect?

I thought Kevin would be the Prefect. Or Polly would be the perfect, or Wesley would be the Prefect. I mean anyone but us two. Didn't Flitwick realized Hogwarts hates us? Who will listen to me Al? I have a feeling they are going to finish me on one of my night patrols.

And uh... Could you tell me... I...Is Rose a prefect?

I don't mean anything of course. Your sister, my...Uh... Friend. Yeah, Best friends sister is also a friend . Although, I have a feeling she doesn't even like me. She might just strangle me if she is a perfect and then she gets to know I am a perfect too and we get a petrol together. But I think after last year...You know how she didn't even snapped at me when I looked at her with that googly eyes look. She just muttered 'breadhead' and went off on her way. Bouncing and everything.

I almost hugged her. She was looking so beautiful. She is so cute. She is... Wonderful. But seeing our history I might even just hold the position of a annoying niffler in her world or maybe she doesn't even knows me except that I am just that blonde who makes googly eyes at her all the time. So don't worry, I will just watch from far far away and pity myself for being born a Malfoy. Although, I can also blame her for being a Weasley.

But all in all, it's going to be nothing.

I am selected on the team too. As the reserve chaser. Why haven't you done anything Al? Hasn't your father asked you to do anything this year? You useless lump.

Grandma is knitting me a sweater. She sends her love.

I love you too, usually. But I will go with, in the most purest of profanities, Fuck you. (Banned from Library because of YOU).

Okay, Ms. Leone( we had to change the cook again, last one quit because of that...You know the time travel business we did) she is calling me. I have asked her to help me to learn cooking. Since the cookery books are all I am allowed to read, I have memorized them all. Do you know they put salt in cake? Think about it. Salt in cake? Ew.

Two more weeks till we meet again.  
Au revoir, friend.

-S.M.

* * *

 _ **Albus Potter To Scorpius Malfoy  
August nineteenth, summer of 2020.**_

To,  
His bookworm majesty,  
In front of the library probably cursing me,  
In the prison called Malfoy Manor,

Scorpius,

I am sorry. I dragged you in this mess. I am sorry that I thought of doing good which ended up pretty badly and I am sorry that my father did these things. He is sorry too. I know he is. He has not told me that directly but I know he is.

Although, you got to see Severus Snape in person and Bathilda Bagshot's house so I would not say it wasn't exactly pleasant for you. I know you are grinning and already drifting off into the dreams of History of magic and Potions alchemy but come back here. For, my friend, I have a news for you. I am just warning you before so you don't faint after reading the letter and your father comes knocking on my door to excruciate me.

Rose Granger-Weasley is indeed a Prefect.

Did you fainted? I hope not because she is not pleased that you are a Prefect too. As you expected. Now don't go all dopey Mopey on me. You know her well. Though there is one more thing I got to warn you about.

James Sirius Potter, my brother and Fred George Weasley, my cousin brother. Be prepared for it. They are coming for you. And yes, there is Hugo and me too but Hugo won't go out of his way to hex you (he may when you are in his way) and I won't do much because you are my friend. If you were any other bloke, and even if I was fighting with Rose over shite, I would have hexed him if he talked about my sister like that. But you are you and I guess I am Ron.

What I mean is my best friend is in love with my little sister and I can't hex him nor her.

Merlin! It must be hard for him and he wasn't even fighting with mum while me and Rose are likely to seize one other soon. I still can't let her be a thing to ogle. So try to be uh... Discreet, will you?

And as a matter of fact, my punishment is to be on house arrest for the summer while James goes out to meet his dates and Lily goes out to play Quidditch and I have to help grandma around the House. So you see, it's not like I am enjoying it. Though you probably will. I know how you help your grandma around the house. I know you love it but it's a punishment for me.

The family meetings have changed. Uncle Ron is no more the captain of the other team. James is, he steps on uncle Ron's foot and uncle Ron glares at him and he grins and then James is the captain because he is innocent and a child, when everyone knows it's opposite of it, but what Grandma says happens.

My grandma is making me a sweater too like every year. I have demanded a dark green one with a snake on it just to annoy James. You know how he always wants a red one with a lion on it? He was positively fuming.

And just so you know, I have taken your advice to heart. I have tried to get along with my family. It's working I believe. Dad has told me to stay humble but how can I stay humble? I am a Slytherin and I can't bloody stay humble. James is always teasing me though I think we kind of get along you know...in a weird way.

And whenever I talk about anything he doesn't like, he says I am talking Slytherin. Which means I am talking shit. You are a Prefect now, aren't you? Give him some detentions from me.

Why are you learning how to cook? You hate potions.

And calm down, you moron, you are totally deserving for a Prefect. If someone says otherwise, hex them to shit. You are totally deserving.

I don't love you. Ew Scor that's girly. You aren't reading novels again, are you? I told you to throw that shit out.

How's home? I hope everything is fine.

I have got a new pet. It's a pygmy puff. You can totally have it.

And now Hugo and Lily are having a fight over the pancakes.  
Everyone here bickers. ALL THE TIME! Every hour someone reaches a disagreement and then it starts. Though nobody pays attention until tables and curses start flying.

Okay, Lily has hexed Hugo a nasty bat bogey hex...Good one! My sister, that is.

Dad is giving them a lecture. Grandma is calling me to help with setting the table..  
See ya soon, don't throw a book at me if you see me at king Cross. You met Severus Snape because of ME! So you better be thankful.

One and a half week till we meet.

Yours,

Albus.

* * *

 _ **Scorpius Malfoy to Albus Potter.**_ _ **August twenty fourth of 2020.**_

To,  
His humble Slytherin esquire,  
At the Burrow,  
In front of his Pygmy Puff making up excuses to push it on me,

Hey I can cook fine! Thank you very much. Leonee even complimented me on my chopping skills. I chop great. I can chop anything and that reminds me, you will need to give your Pygmy Puff chopped green spinach which I am not going to chop. You can chop yourself. Hah!

Really now?... Weird... I guess...I wouldn't know. I don't have such a big family. I hope Hugo is okay. Your sister seems feasty. I will change my path next time I see her stealing food from kitchen's.

Yeah, yeah. Severus Snape. I still can't believe it all. I met Severus Snape. Did you know he was the assistant in the making of wolfsbane and Blood replenishment potion? He lived through two wars. I met Severus Snape. Can you believe it?

I am sorry but I won't abuse my power just because you had a disagreement with your brother. Ten points from Slytherin for bribing the Slytherin prefect.

There is nothing wrong with romance or romance novels. You need to broaden your horizons. And romance reminds me, Polly Chapman seemed pretty smitten with you. You are going to ask her out, aren't you? Don't make that face.

Yes, that one you are making right now. Screwing your nose and narrowing your eyes wouldn't change it.

Don't show me or my letter your tongue now. Yes that tongue which is hanging out of your mouth. In it goes. Like that, yeah. I know I am annoying.

Yes, everything is fine here. It's quiet. I am sure it's a unfamiliar territory to you with what fifty people in your house. Why don't you just declare it a town?

Also, did you know that yesterday Dad finally gave me a book to read- Three musketeers. And I looked behind me so many times, there was no black haired, green eyed boy whose name may or not may rhyme with Babus Dotter to drool over my shoulder or scream at the interesting parts and gag at the romance, while I read it. It was a wholly new experience. I was left in wonder.

Sorry for the smudge, I have been LEARNING to make SANDWICHES.

It's a wonder you are getting along with your family. I am tired with everyone showing past me and knocking me 'accidentally' by which I mean purposefully after glaring at you. No one comes after you.

You are not Ron. Ginny liked your father. Rose might strangle me if I am in two foot radius of her. So you are in a much better position. I will be discreet. But isn't that in my nature? Nobody in your family knows I like Rose. See! AND I certainly did not fainted. I have some control over me.

I would love some news of you getting 'along' with your family.

Don't kid me. We both know you haven't given a rat's behind about it.

You always got along with James in a weird way. Remember at the end of last year when Darian Slicker was teasing you about being a Slytherin and bla bla bla ( the usual) and you, like a Slytherin, left with a sarcastic remark. It was in the Great Hall and everyone knew you were humiliated and remember that's when suddenly James had a fight with him and he hanged Darian in the Great Hall by his ankle and then turned his hair pink for the rest of the month.

See, it was always there. He is family after all, ain't he?

Well thanks Al...I don't think I deserve it. I am not as brave as you. I don't hex people or give them punishment just because they were roaming in the corridors after hours (which is mostly your family). I am more likely to pretend to not to see them. I think I will return this batch.

A week until we meet.  
A week until I curse you with a book rain on your head.

You feel the love? Don't you?  
-S.M.

* * *

 ** _Albus Potter to Scorpius Malfoy._** ** _August twenty ninth, summer of 2020._**

To,

The hopeless romantic,  
Bugger if not in the library,  
In that stupid Manor,

Scorp,

You did not fainted.

You drooled all over it! I know! I know! This is that moment where I so want to say 'HAH' at your face.

Uh Scorpius... Everyone (including my family, all the teachers at Hogwarts and the students) knows you like Rose. You pretty much fly two feet off the ground in the air whenever she passes us on her way.

Don't panic! Calm down. Don't you see? Everyone knows and no one cares. I wonder how it hasn't reached the prophet...maybe because Rose doesn't gives a shit?

Did that hurt? I am sorry.

HAS IT REACHED YOUR BRAIN THAT SHE DOESN'T LIKE YOU?

Move along, Scor. You deserve better than a snobbish, spoilt, brawny Gryffindor.

And James and Fred don't care you stay far away or not. They will hex you if you annoy Rose or maybe just for the fun of it. Brothers oath they say.

Also, I don't have a problem with love Scor. You know that well. And I do believe that two people could come together and just like each other so much to stay forever in each other's company. But the concept of love is annoying in those novels. To die for someone you love is idiotic. To care so much that you forget everything for that one person is again a sign of a grown imbecile. I mean, my parents are in love. But I can write it in words that if someday Mum stopped loving Dad, he won't die. He will live. He will perform his duties and he will find his happiness in any other thing or person. Leaving everything just because a person doesn't seems to feel the same is sheer idiocracy.

I went in a rant there huh...

My cousin's have never knocked you.

Have they?

Also, if you have somehow forgotten let me remind you. Poly Chapman was your potential girlfriend in that other universe we had created. Do you remember that my dear Scorpion king?

For some reason, I can't imagine you being that cocky.

And I like this girl I think. She is kind of out of bounds though. Because she is a Gryffindor, because she is on the team too (beater), because she has a crush on James, because I am the black sheep of this family. Louis says I should just bugger them off because High school relationships hardly work. My parents were born in that era. But this era...Nah...It's impossible to find a girl here.

QUIET IS BORING. Where is the fun in reading without someone to share it with? Also, I have the best on going commentary when you read things. Remember when we went into that tinker Bell thing and I was commentating on the name fairy? I make the best names ever. Who will laugh with you? Who will comment on the scene's with you? Who will pat your head awkwardly when you start sniffing after your favorite character dies?

I never noticed that...I guess James was always there. Gryffindor nature I believe

You are not giving the batch back or I will ban you from the library. I can do that if I pulled some strings you know.

See ya soon, don't bother replying. It's only a day left.

Yours,  
Albus.

PS- no book rain please. Aunt Hermione will sue you just because you are wasting books on me

* * *

 **Scorpius Malfoy to Albus Potter.** _**August thirty, summer of 2020.**_

 _(Through Express Owl)_

Al,  
YOU FUCKING KNEW IT AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME!

How am I going face your family?

-S.M.

* * *

 ** _Albus_ Potter To Scorpius Malfoy.**

 _ **August thirty, summer of 2020.**_

A howler sent with a made up evil laugh.


End file.
